We buy used toilet paper.
Every roll in the country gets used and thrown out. We pay for yours, take it off your hands, and turn it into things people actually want.
Open to US residents 18 and over. One intake per household per month. We reserve the right to refuse any submission for any reason, and we do.
Scroll — what we mean by “used”
The tube. We have always meant the tube.
A used roll of toilet paper is a cardboard tube. That is what a finished roll is. We take those — clean, dry, empty. We do not take, want, accept or open anything else, and nothing else is coming near this company, its address, or the person who checks the mail.
You believed us for about three seconds. That was the entire marketing budget.
Everything below this line is true and fairly boring. Real products, real prices, shipping in the price, United States only, and a full refund on your first order if you don’t like it.
Reclaimed Goods
Division 01Things we claim are made from what America mailed us. One of these claims is even true, and it is the cardboard one.
Actual Paper
Division 02The unfunny part of the company. Toilet paper you would buy again on purpose, which is a harder thing to make than a joke.
The Registry
Division 03Every tube America mails us gets a serial number, a date of receipt and a permanent public record. Some of them are for sale. All of them are real.
Corporate Records
Division 04Documents produced by a company that buys used toilet paper. Printed properly, bound properly, and straight-faced from cover to cover.
Household
Division 05The bathroom is our entire market. Eventually we would like to sell you everything in it, starting with the parts that are not funny.
Don’t like it? Keep it. We refund you anyway.
First order, one per customer. Tell us it wasn’t good and the money goes back. You don’t ship anything to us — we sell paper products, and we have thought carefully about what a return would involve.
A fixed number of these are honoured, and that number is written in the terms rather than decided later by us in a bad mood.
Questions people actually ask
Answered plainlyAre you really collecting used toilet paper?
Cardboard tubes. Clean, dry, empty. Anything else is thrown away unopened, you get no certificate, and we think slightly less of you.
Is anything you sell made from recovered bathroom material?
No. Not the shirt, not the mug, not the chocolate, not the paper. The wrapper does the joke; the product is just the product, labelled honestly.
Why buy toilet paper here instead of anywhere else?
Right now, no reason we can prove — which is why it isn’t on sale yet. When it is, the reason will be printed on the product page as a specification, not as an adjective.
Do you ship outside the United States?
No. Checkout will refuse a non-US address before you pay.